Expecting couple create baby registry, get offended when in-laws don't buy from it: 'The most expensive item was 150€'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 27, 2026 7:45 PM EDT

What is the correct etiquette when buying a gift for a new baby?

Along with all the other challenges that expecting parents face, there is the constant bombardment of information that tells them that they need to buy a whole big collection of stuff if they want to be in any way competent at parenting. Those who have been through it will often tell you that you can survive without most of the gadgets and shiny new things, but the pressure is on to purchase them nonetheless.

Obviously, this is where having a baby can get pretty expensive, and it is normal to expect friends and family to give a helping hand where they can. Much like with weddings, parents-to-be can sometimes get a little crazy with their wish lists, but a lot of the time, they are just looking for the kind of generosity that is going to make life with a baby easier. It is not a big ask, so long as the people they hope will give them gifts have the finances to do so. While it could be argued that one of the most valuable things to be gifted as a new parent is somebody's time, some of the stuff you need for the baby also helps.

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  • A close-up of an expecting mom and her male partner holding hands outside
    via Gui França

    A close-up of an expecting mom and her male partner holding hands outside

  • A man and his wife were expecting their first child, and they decided to make an online gift list that their friends and family could buy from to help them prepare for the baby. The list mostly contained items that were not overly expensive, and the mom-to-be's family immediately bought from it.

    However, the couple was disappointed when it seemed like the man's family was not going to buy anything from the list. The dad-to-be felt like this was yet another example of the issues that his close relatives had with him, but he didn't want to buy anything else they needed in case it caused conflict.

  • My family is acting weird about our baby registry and time is running out. How do I tell them we're buying the rest ourselves without starting a fight?

    My wife (26F) and I (29M) are expecting a baby in what is supposed to be less than two months from now. So we started a while ago shopping for all the things we could use for the baby and we got mostly all the essentials.
    via ProfessionalCat4696
  • Where I live it's customary to make a gift list for the birth, like we put everything we could use for the baby. It's a website where you put items and the link to buy them and people can reserve a gift and then buy it whenever they want to. They can have it delivered directly to our house or to theirs, there's no obligation. At first I was
    via ProfessionalCat4696
  • hesitant because I don't like asking people for stuff like that I feel like I'm begging for money. So, me and my wife agreed we would make one but only give it to the people who asked for it.
    via ProfessionalCat4696
  • So we sent it to both our families and some friends. Her family immediately bought some stuff, including the most expensive item. Even if we had already bought all the most expensive things we might need. The most expensive item we put was 150€ and the rest of it didn't exceed 50€ on average with a few
    via ProfessionalCat4696
  • exceptions, because I wanted to give the people who asked the opportunity to participate without paying a lot for it. The thing is, it's been one and a half months since we sent the link and since her family and some friends there has been no reservation. But as
    via ProfessionalCat4696
  • unpredictable as a preg_ncy can be we wish to be prepared before the due date so if we have to buy all the remaining items ourselves, that's okay. I don't want to reach out to people and tell them "Hey, you didn't buy anything, last chance buddy". So we decided to not tell our friends so as to not make them feel bad or make them feel like we expect them to buy us things.
    via ProfessionalCat4696
  • The issue is with my family. I'm kinda mad that neither of my parents or my siblings have even bought anything. Not because they don't pay but because I feel there is something they are not telling me. At first, they didn't seem to understand the concept of it. I even had one sibling who told me they won't buy anything from that list
    via ProfessionalCat4696
  • because they're family and not some friends or whatever. So I explained to them that the list is not random we put things WE want and will buy ourselves we just share it to make it easier to make a gift if they want to.
    via ProfessionalCat4696
  • The thing is even if they're my family I've had so many issues with them that I learned to live without them. They can thank my wife for pushing me to include them in my life I make the effort just for her. She deserves to have a good relationship with her in-laws. Even if sometimes they have not been easy on us she won't hold a grudge.
    via ProfessionalCat4696
  • But I can see this affecting her. She doesn't understand what the issue with that list can be and is starting to question ourselves like maybe we messed up at some point. She thinks they are mad at us about that list. For example my mom asked her three times who else got the link like it's an issue that someone else got it?
    via ProfessionalCat4696
  • I can't stand seeing her being affected by my family. I feel like they're my responsibility. I kind of feel ashamed of them. Her family bought a lot of stuff immediately and mine doesn't even say a word, like it doesn't even exist. I know that if I buy everything without telling them first then I'll be the problem and they will say stuff like "We were about
    via ProfessionalCat4696
  • to buy stuff, you didn't even give us the chance to do it" I can't wait any longer. I won't buy everything at the last moment because of them I think I have waited enough. I'm asking for advice on what to say to them. I'm conflicted between saying nothing and seeing if they even realize
    via ProfessionalCat4696
  • everything is ordered or telling them after and being like, "Don't bother to check the list anymore we've waited long enough thanks for nothing." But my wife deserves an answer I can tell they hurt her feelings here. I appreciate any advice you can offer.
    via ProfessionalCat4696
  • A collection of neutral-colored baby clothes, toys, gifts, and fabrics
    via elliot verhaeren

    A collection of neutral-colored baby clothes, toys, gifts, and fabrics 

  • whatthepfluke Don't say a thing. Just purchase the items and close the registry.
    via whatthepfluke
  • Vast_Attitude_6672 Start buying the items, close them off the registry and don't say a thing. If your family start making drama, ignore it and focus on your child and wife. People like that thrive in complication, it's best to ignore.
    via Vast_Attitude_6672
  • Careful_Mistake7579 A baby registry is an optional wishlist, not a mandatory invoice. You are actively stirring up strife and inventing a crisis over a gift list two months before your child is born. If you can afford to buy the items yourself, buy them and focus on your wife's peace of mind instead of keeping score of who clicked a link.
    via Careful_Mistake7579
  • zookeeper_barbie "there's no obligation. At first I was hesitant because I don't like asking people for stuff like that I feel like I'm begging for money." But you're mad not enough people bought stuff?
    via zookeeper_barbie
  • Amareldys I think your family has decided to buy off registry. straight up ask so you don't end up with two of every thing
    via Amareldys
  • New-Figure-2104 There are certain milestones in life, like getting married and having a baby, where you are forced to face who your family really is. This is one of those moments. I went through it, and my husband and I felt all the disappointment that comes with
    via New-Figure-2104
  • it. Buy yourself what you need. Maybe they will be inclined to be generous at some later time, but don't count on it.
    via New-Figure-2104

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family drama gifts baby relationships
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